change /Chanj/ - (v.) make or become different

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandella

I've been going through a lot of change lately. Obviously, my physical appearance and physical well-being has been changing, but I'm more talking about my inside. The Best Missy I Can Be is not someone I am today.

De-cluttering my life has become my favorite thing, as silly as that sounds. The other night I came back from a jog and literally cleaned the belly of my closet. Two hours and three trash bags later, it looks and feels so much better. I threw away things I hadn't seen or used in years. Stuff from college, shoes that had worn soles, bath and body products with scents I no longer like (see, change is everywhere).

Yesterday, I moved to my book shelves. I had so many papers from college that back in 2009 I just knew I would use again. Truth is, I hadn't accepted the fact that I would never be a journalist. Let's say I'm selling some text books this week. I don't like to say never, but do I look like I wanna' be a journalist? ;o)

While cleaning, I came across old prayer journals. When I say old, I mean old. The year 2006 was one of the most transformational of my life. I turned 18, fell in love, graduated from college, moved three hours away from home, got my heart painfully broken (my journal's words, lol), and the Cards won the series. At the time, I thought I couldn't be happier (or more depressed depending on if I saw the culprit of the love and heart break, haha). But, when I look back now, I see a girl who was clearly lost and confused.

My ultimate desire at that time was to be with said boy and become a journalist. Literally. The only reason you could call a couple of those prayer journals 'prayer journals' was because the entries started off with Dear God. Reading them now, I'm a little ashamed at how cocky and stubborn I was. I didn't care about much of anything if it didn't start with a J and end with an 'ustin,' hahahaha! (Kayla and Heather will appreciate that reference.)

Truth is, I was so against change at that time because I thought change meant losing everything I was. But, the truth is that's what change is about....not losing who you are, but gaining who you're supposed to be.

College did a number on me in a really good way. I changed so much in that three years. I got over said boy and dated a really good guy off and on (technically, we only dated once, but we had that yo-yo thing going on for awhile, haha). I actually learned a lot about love from that good guy (even though we never shared "the l word" with each other). I learned I wasn't ready for "the l word," and no amount of pushing a relationship you think would be so pleasing to God will work if it's not in His timing. I went from being obsessed with becoming a columnist in Chicago to living and breathing Chi Alpha Campus Ministries. I mean, everything about my personality seemed to change dramatically.

It's three years later, and I'm feeling the exact same way. I'm single, and actually really happy about it. I joke A LOT about finding "my man," but I don't want a boyfriend. I'm having fun on my own! And, I still definitely live and breath Chi Alpha, but even that desire has changed a little. We use to joke that I wanted Tom's job as Campus Pastor at MU. I even talk a lot about seeing XA take off at SEMO, but I just don't know anymore. Truth is, I want to travel. I want to partner with XA all over and see where my talents lead me. This is all far in the future of course, it's just crazy to see how your desires change.

See, those prayer journals haven't changed. Reading them was like the quote above...returning to a place that hadn't changed a bit. They are covered in dust taking up space in my clean closet. However, the penman who penned them is gone. And, I think it's a good thing that she no longer exists. Parts of her do and always will in memories and experiences with great people. My parents see her at times when we share stories. I think they miss her more than I do....she went home more often.

I know I'm kind of rambling. But, doesn't critical thinking tend to make you do that?

I am who I am today. I'm not who I'm gonna' be tomorrow, and I'm certainly not who I will be in a year. Daily, I hand my heart, mind and body over to God to change me a little more. I hope that I can read my current prayer journals three years from now and not recognize the Missy who wrote them.

That's all for now. What do you need to de-clutter? There's nothing like a closet or drawer or room to help you figuratively look at your life. Try it.

Peace Out, Home fries.
Missy :o)

P.S. Dating Teaching moment....Me and that "good guy" I spoke of are very close friends to this day. We now actually platonically use "the l word" with each other and mean it! He's a brother. Take notes, young women. Please use it as an example of how to date - and break up - in a ....well...in a smart way.

skin~ny (adj.) - very lean or thin; emaciated (lol!)

Today, ladies and gentlemen, marks the fourth time in two weeks that someone has used the word skinny to describe me.

What the what?!

This is fun. Never, in my 24+ years of living has anyone ever called me skinny.

Now, before you get all hoity toity on me, I know I'm not skinny. I know I'm still "plus size," and I still have a lot of weight to lose. However, I'm gonna' bask in this.

So, while I'm basking, you can learn about what's up in my life!

Like.....

My Belize trip! It was INCREDIBLE! So much fun. Like, seriously, the most fun I've had on a missions trip because the people I went with are straight up crazy! For pictures, check my facebook page. I will share more with you later. Remind me to tell you about the latrine and "good people."

Tomorrow, Chi Alpha moves in Freshmen which starts two weeks of craziness. Popsicle give-a-way, BBQ, Fiesta, XAi Picnic, Root Beer Kegger, and the first service. Here goes lack of sleep and meeting so many new people I won't know how to handle it!

Moving on, I'm writing this blog on my brand spanking new MacBook Pro 15"!!! A HUGE, GIGANTIC thank you to Harvest Christian Centre Missions for purchasing it for me! Well, almost purchasing it. The offerings are still coming in, so if you want to give, uhh, see here! Tell Pastor Jones that you want to help! If you do give online, e-mail donna@reapnow.org so she knows what to put the money toward! Sorry....shameless plug, I know!

Back to the basking in the skinny...I've selected a 5k to run! My Jazzerrcise location is creating a team for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Columbia this year. It's two weeks after Labor Day, but I don't care. Plus, my sickly period and Belize put me way behind.

So, that's all for now. I know, I know, not much stuff, but, once things settle down, I'll get back to the fun of inspiring and challenging you! Scout's honor!

Peace Out, Home Fries,

Missy :o)

P.S. - Special shout out to Britani Siebeneck, Beth Harris, Heather Jones and Judy Russell for the skinny word. And, no, Heather, you aren't "fat," you are pregnant, you goof!

P.S.S. - Please retract Heather Jones. Her name is Heather Thomure.....and has been for well over a year now.